This Valentine’s Day, you may be reflecting on your love life and asking, “Will this be the year that I fall in love?” When looking for love, instead of looking outward for answers or direction, it may be best to begin by looking inward and examining your relationship with yourself.

Loving you is a pre-requisite for building a healthy romantic relationship with a partner. Here are two main ways you can improve your relationship with yourself to help build a healthier love life:

1. Improve Communication

Do you take time to check-in and listen to your own heart? How do you really feel each day? What kinds of fears, worries, ideas, or questions occupy your mind? Start by trying to translate your daily emotional state into words, such as excited, happy, overwhelmed, or tired. Then check-in with yourself daily and evaluate any thoughts that run through your mind. Many of the questions or doubts that you have in the back of your head can actually be re-framed into challenges and opportunities for personal growth. For example, if you are worried about your job security, then maybe you should take actions to begin working on your resume.

By really listening to your thoughts, you can decrease stress and anxiety and take action to improve your life. The same building blocks of positive communication— active listening, communicating your feelings, and identifying areas for growth— are also key to a healthy romantic relationship.

2. Maintain A Positive Outlook

We tend to attract potential partners who are similar to us, and misery loves company. So if you are feeling stressed, angry, hopeless about the future, or insecure, then you will likely attract a partner with a similar perspective. To find a partner with a positive outlook, then it helps to achieve a positive outlook for yourself.  Many times our feelings of insecurity or stress arise from negative self-talk. Do you ever beat yourself up for or replay past events in your head, focusing on the negatives? This kind of would-have, should-have thinking can trap you in an unhappy mindset.

To change your mindset, police your thoughts for negative-self talk. Stop and ask yourself if there is really a major problem. If you feel unhappy or angry about an event or relationship, then how can you turn that around to make a positive change? Many times we think in black-and-white terms when a situation is really not 100 percent bad. Feeling more positive about your own life will help you to attract a partner who you can share a positive outlook with. This is vital for a healthy relationship to grow and blossom.

This Valentine’s day, remember to love you and to be thankful for all the gifts in your life. For more advice on improving life’s important relationships, get your free copy of “The Woman’s Guide to Building Healthy Relationships,” ebook.

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