After a marriage ends, it may seem like you’ll never even go on a date again, let alone find new love. But when looking for love after your divorce, it’s important to remember that you will get out of the process only what you put in.

So be sure to keep a positive attitude about finding love after divorce. Try to view the experience as an opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth. Below are a few guidelines for making your next romantic relationship a healthy and fulfilling part of your life:

1. Learn from your past

After a divorce, look to your past to discover what you want out of a relationship and how to make a new relationship work. Many women fall into the negative trap of looking at a past relationship as a failure or wasted time. However, there are many ups and downs in the course of a marriage that we can learn from. Was there a time when you both communicated really well or supported one another? Did a lack of shared goals or values contribute to your problems? Did the relationship progress too quickly? All of these questions can guide you forward and help you to build a more healthy relationship in the future. 

2. Love and respect yourself first

The first real love that women should look for after a divorce comes from within. One of the best indicators of a healthy future relationship is how you feel about yourself now. Before seeking romance, ensure that you are feeling confident and ready. Take time alone each day to check-in with your emotions and feelings. Minimize overly negative or would-have should-have thoughts by focusing on what’s going well and what you are grateful for. Eat healthy, stay active and pamper yourself with relaxing baths or by taking care of your nails or hair. Spend quality time with your kids, friends and family doing activities you love.

3. Remember, all healthy relationships involve work

Finding love after a divorce can seem difficult, because it requires you to become more self-aware, know what you want and communicate well with potential partners. If you think about it, these same challenges or difficulties are present in every type of healthy relationship in your life. Whether it’s with friends, kids, colleagues or family, a healthy relationship requires give and take and effort from both parties to make it work. When you begin dating, look for partners who communicate openly and easily and who are ready to work with you to build something great.